Your New State-of-the-Art, Space-Age, Awesometastic Movie Theater!
Movie theaters are good, but they could be AWESOME with these three simple changes:
Theaters are giant windowless boxes soaking in the sun and using up tons of kilowatts keeping the place nice and cool. What a waste! Put them underground!
Underground movie theaters are energy-efficient and just plain prettier. From the outside. No more giant beige box. However, it’s best to keep the lobby above ground so the staff don’t turn into complete troglodytes.
Imagine a row of high-tech kiosks where you can buy your tickets and/or order your snacks for pickup AT THE SAME TIME. Pay for everything at the kiosk, print out your ticket, pick up your snack and GO WATCH THAT DAMN MOVIE!
Fear not! This will not put teenagers out of work. They can staff the regular ticket counters for moviegoers who just can’t handle that there new-fangled technology stuff.
Also, sadly, we still need people to prepare the food. AND techs to fix the kiosks when they break. (Or at least to hang an out-of-order sign on them.)
*Thanks to my hubby Dale for this idea! 🙂
No more 10 minute trek to and from the bathroom all while missing a major plot point. Just install a bathroom (or two) just inside the door of each theater at the cineplex.
Each bathroom will have red lighting for less light leakage. There will also be closed circuit TVs showing the same movie as in your theater! Located inside each stall and above the sinks, you’ll never miss a moment!
You’ll always have the perfect seat with the new parallel universe seating arrangements! Using quantum mechanics, multi-dimensional fractals and Schrödinger’s Cat, there is one block of seats in the perfect spot and EVERYONE can sit in it at the same time watching the same movie.
For a few bucks extra, you can buy that seat in a block so you and your friends can sit together!
For double the price of a matinée ticket, you can get the full theater experience: images of everyone else sitting in the theater are projected around you, giving you the full audience effect! Additional features include video and audio, or, for a quieter experience, restrict audio just to standard audience reactions such as gasps, laughter and screams!
A bonus to this bonus: fewer physicists will be out of work creating and maintaining this theater attraction! That’s right, physicists can work in the entertainment industry!!!!! And get free tickets! Sexy!
So get your friends together and demand to be the first in the nation with a very special, state-of-the-art, space-age, awesometastic, underground, kiosked, interior toileted, multi-dimensional seating theater!