My Wife is a Fallen Woman
Note to non-gamers: Skyrim is a role-playing game in the style of Lord of the Rings. Your character goes on quests, buys or makes items and interacts with other, AI-controlled characters. If you need an explanation of the explanation, please visit your local gamer and geek hangout for an official, real-time translation!
I got married last week. To a woman. In Skyrim.
First, let me say kudos to Bethesda (the company that made Skyrim) for putting same-sex marriage in their game. I see no good reason to limit marriage to only hetero couples, but changes like that take time. One way to move these changes along is to allow it to seep into our lives a bit at a time. Especially through our storytelling. And gaming is storytelling.
So, it tickled me no end when I put on the Amulet of Mara, to show my availability to all and sundry, and Sylgja (I call her Syl) showed an interest in me. She wasn’t the first, though.
My first suitor was a gnarly old elf who just sat around a campfire with his drinking buddies all day complaining about spiders in the mine (the very mine that Syl braved every day). Oh, and he was bald but not a good bald: he was bald with the looooong fringe of hair in back. *Shudders* So, I turned him down. I continued traveling to a mine where I was to deliver a package to Syl from her parents. We chatted a bit. She liked how I selflessly carried the package from her parents, who I don’t know, to her, who I also didn’t know.
We talked about politics and the work in the mine and this and that and then she just up and said she liked me and, viola, 2 days later we’re in Riften at the Temple of Mara getting married. (I opted for a traditional temple wedding – and I even took off my dwarven helmet for the occasion.!)
After the ceremony, we had a little talk and decided we’d live at my place in Whitehelm. It’s a nice home, a good-sized town, plus, she’s a miner so she could do her job anywhere. I had dreams of her mining gold and silver which I’d then forge into jewelry which we’d sell at the local shop. We’d work together doing what we love and make good money to boot! It was going to be a good life.
But then we got home.
First thing she says to me is “My love” she says “my love, I’d like to open a shop. It’ll bring in extra income and will keep me busy while you are out on your adventures.”
“Oh” I say, watching my dreams of our jewelry empire disappearing in the mist. It seems she would be hanging up her miner’s pickax. “Well, of course, whatever makes you happy.” I really do want this marriage to work. I give her a kiss on the cheek and leave for my next adventure.
300 gold! AWESOME!
I leave home, I come back and there’s money?!? Cool! Then she offers to cook me a meal.
SIDE NOTE Okay, Bethesda software: again, much kudos for marriage equality but did you have to make my wife so obsequious and, well, so “traditional”? She stays at home all day, dotes on my every word and then offers to fix all my meals? What happened to the scrappy I–aint-afraid-of-no-mine-spiders Syl I fell for?
But anyway, she’s happy so I’m happy and we’ve got money to support ourselves. Sweet. What’s not to love, right? I pack up my gear and head out to my next adventure. I’m half-way through clearing out a draugr-infested cave when it hits me:
Where is this shop? And what exactly is she selling?
I didn’t remember seeing an extension on the house. I didn’t even see so much as a shed out back. No signs of jewelry making or pottery, knitting or painting. Nothing like that. She hasn’t even touched my alchemy table and you can make a LOT of money from potions.
What is she selling?
What is she selling that requires no materials, space, setup or overhead? What is keeping her so busy while I’m away? And what is so lucrati….
And that’s when the penny drops: My wife is a prostitute.
It’s the only thing that makes sense.
I finish clearing out that cave in no time flat, all by myself, grab the loot and fast travel my married butt back home to confront her.
“Hello, my love” she says. That’s gonna get old, I think. “My love, welcome back from your travels. Here are half the proceeds from my shop”. Yeah right, I think. Then she hands me 200 gold.
Only 200 gold this time.
Now I don’t know whether I’m angry that she’s selling her body for money or the fact that, apparently, she’s getting worse at it.
I didn’t confront her that day. I took the money, thanked her and went out to a local tavern for a drink. I haven’t been back home since.
Man, this marriage thing is hard!