The Geekiest Girl

A few of my favorite things…

Rant and Rave #2: Courtesy Flush

Note: this is a rant and rave. They are good and healthy for the soul. Also, they sometimes come with f-bombs. You have been warned.

Silence.

Grunt.

Plop.

We all do it. We all know we do it. We need to do it. Sometimes it feels good to do it.

I’m talking about pooing.

And I’m saying that it must stay private. I’d really rather you not share.

Especially in the office.

There are 100 people on my floor at work. We don’t eat well. We get stressed. We drink coffee. So the odds of someone needing to take a poo at any given moment are pretty high.

If you think walking into the bathroom to a stench so bad you wonder if you should call the morgue is the worst, think again.

It’s the silence.

Most people come into the bathroom, unzip, drop their pants or lift their skirt, take a moment to acclimate and then they pee. Pee is a happy sound. I work mostly with women and we have no problems at all talking to each other while we pee. It’s like talking over a fountain. No big.

Because when there’s silence, it means someone’s got something brewing and it ain’t a new pot of coffee.

Because after the silence comes the sound of exertion. Sometimes it’s a grunt. And then, oh dear god and then, there’s the dreaded plop.

People, I don’t even like to hear my own but then I have to hear yours and, dangit, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I have to walk by your desk! We have a meeting together in 5 minutes!!!!! How can I look at you?!?

And then there’s the smell. I just….I can’t talk about it here. It’ll make me cry.

This just can’t go on: the lack of privacy (meaning you keep your stuff private so I don’t have to know about it), the silence, the plop, the…..*sob*….stench.

So here’s what we need to do people: 

When you feel the need and things are moving then for the love of whatever, USE A FRACKIN’ COURTESY FLUSH!

This one simple act solves three problems:

  1. The sighs, grunts and other sounds of exertion: I can’t’ hear them over the flushing sound!
  2. The plop:  You’ve got to time this just right. But, with practice, you can time your flush to cover this frighteningly clear announcement of why you are there. 
  3. The smell: magically, when the poo is gone, so is the odor! Who’d a thunk it?!?

Yes, some “situations” require multiple flushes. Please, as a courtesy to the rest of us, go ahead and flush again.

Yes, if you courtesy flush, people will suspect you are pooing, especially if you do two or more flushes in a row. That’s okay! We would have known you were pooing anyway but now we don’t have to experience it firsthand!

Yes, this wastes water. If this is of concern to you, I urge you to make up the difference AT HOME! Recycle your dishwater to water the plants. Stop taking baths. Install a low-flow shower head.

It’s just that simple. We all have to poo. We all work together. Let’s be courteous and do a courtesy flush.

Thank you.

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6 thoughts on “Rant and Rave #2: Courtesy Flush

  1. Deanna on said:

    It’s not me….I use the 2nd floor restroom for this very reason. Please do not let everyone know about the 2nd floor, but the privacy is wonderful & it rarely stinks. Of course, that’s because mine doesn’t 🙂 Great Rant!!!!

  2. This was awzzum! As witty as it was thought provoking. Nice. 😉

  3. Possum on said:

    I notice that you got back from the Guad long before us. Now we understand the rush 🙂

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